Mating Season
by mathspook777
Summary: When Judy's biology catches up with her, Nick suggests a dating website. Will it help Judy satisfy her urges, or will it just get her into trouble?


The police cruiser jerked ahead as Judy floored the gas. Moments later, as it approached a red light, she slammed on the brakes. Nick's coffee sloshed out of his cup and onto his uniform. "Hey! Judy!" he said. "What's wrong with you today?"

Judy's only response was a throaty growl. As the light turned green, she jabbed the accelerator. The car squealed forward again, leaving a trail of rubber.

"Geez," said Nick. He leaned his paw against the door to steady himself. "I've never seen you like this before."

"I am okay," Judy said. "I am okay. Totally okay. One hundred percent. Don't ask me about it, because I'm fine, and I don't need your help, or anybody's help, or anything at all. I. Am. Fine!"

"Really?" Nick held his coffee cup halfway to Judy. As the car careened around another corner, coffee flew over the edge of the cup and splashed Judy in the face.

The car screeched to a halt. "Nick! What are you doing?"

"Look, Judy," Nick said. "I once gave you a sip of coffee while you swerved around a corner chasing some perp, and you didn't spill a drop. Now your fur's all wet. Something's wrong."

Judy pounded her fists against the steering wheel. "No!"

"You're still wet."

Judy leaned her head back and looked up at the car's ceiling. "It's nothing. Nothing's wrong. It's just my biology. I can overcome my biology."

Silently, Nick opened the glove compartment, took out a napkin, and wiped Judy's face.

Judy was still looking at the car's ceiling. "It's embarrassing," she mumbled.

"I'll still be your friend."

"You remember how, a few days ago, you said I smelled different? And I said I was trying a different shampoo? Well, that was a lie." Judy scratched her chin. "I have a scent gland here. It's been going wild."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "Are you—?"

"Yeah," said Judy. Her voice turned to a whisper. "It's mating season."

Nick let out a deep breath. "Oh. Okay. That's not so bad."

"No," Judy said. "It is that bad. I can't keep my mind on work. My mind keeps drifting back to, well, you know..."

Nick smirked. "I know what to do about that. Our shift is almost over. I'll show you something."

Judy wrinkled her nose. "Uh, no way. You're my friend, really, but not that kind of friend."

"Relax. That's not what I have in mind at all."

* * *

That evening, Judy lay in her bed, dressed in only a thin nightgown, staring at her phone.

She swiped left. Left. Left. Definitely left. Hmm; she swiped right.

The app was called Cinder. As in, burning embers. Hot. Mating season.

Judy had never had time for so much as a date, but after Nick had told her about Cinder, she had scrambled. Single rabbit female. Seeking prey or predator. "Ambitious, decorated police officer needs to get..." Then she realized that she didn't want anyone to find out she had a Cinder account. She deleted what she had written and replaced it with, "Hey boys! :^) Msg me for a good time." She made sure her profile picture had only her ears.

Judy had been using the app for ten minutes, and her biology was getting impatient. She growled at the phone and madly swiped, right right right right right right right. Who cared what they looked like?

Judy kept swiping until someone sent her a message. "Yo," he said.

"Grand Pangolin Arms, #216. Now!" Judy wrote back.

After she hit send, Judy stared at what she had written for a moment. Maybe that had been a bad idea.

But when there was a knock, Judy leapt to answer it. She threw open the door. "Hi there—" she began. Then her ears drooped. "Oh, fiddlesticks."

"Hello... Judy..." said Flash. "Good... to... see... you..."

The sloth ambled into Judy's apartment. As he closed the door, she said, "Uh, Flash, maybe we—I—made a mistake. I was just, you know, experimenting with this app, you see, I don't even really know what it's for, and—"

"Relax... Your... secret... is... safe... with... me... Priscilla... would... be... furious... if... she... knew... I... was... on... Cinder."

"Oh. Really?"

Flash had already loosened his tie. "Yes... really... Now... let's... get... to... it."

As Flash undressed, Judy felt paralyzed with horror. Her foot was thumping against the floor. She tried to stop it but couldn't. She hated when her foot thumped.

Already, two of the buttons on Flash's shirt were undone. That was quick for him. "Are... you... ready... for... this...?" he asked. "I'm... going... to... pound... your... tight... rabbit... hole." He paused from undressing to leer at Judy.

Judy gulped. She was running out of time. "I thought this was supposed to be anonymous. We wouldn't know each other, wouldn't see each other again. Right?"

"I'll... make... an... exception... for... a... cute... bunny... like... you."

Judy's ears shot up. "Cute bunny?" she asked. She glanced over at her nightstand. "You know what? I have an idea. It's kind of kinky, though. Are you into that?"

"Baby... you... don't... know... the... meaning... of... the... word."

"Good. It's called, 'Fox and Bunny.' Know how to play?"

"I'm... a... fast... learner."

"It's like this. I'm the bunny. You're the fox. If you catch me, you get to do whatever you like to my body. Deal?"

The edges of Flash's mouth curled into a smile. "Deal."

"Great." Judy picked up the can of fox repellent from her nightstand. "Take this, predator."

At first, the cloud of fox repellent seemed to have no effect on the sloth. But ever so slowly, Flash's eyes blinked once, then twice, and his mouth stretched into a rictus of horror. The scream began deep in Flash's throat, as a silent exhalation of breath, then rising into a groan and finally a shriek.

But by that time, Judy had pushed Flash out of her apartment and locked the door behind him.

* * *

That had been a disaster, Judy thought. Could she have done worse?

Judy's phone buzzed. Some guy was messaging her. "Nestflix and chill?" he asked.

Chill? Judy was too wound up to just chill. Not just from Flash, but from her biology. She was going to satisfy her biology, she told herself, and then everything would be back to normal. "Come on over. I'll show you chill."

A while later, there was a knock at Judy's door. This time she peeked through the peephole in the door before opening it. But Mrs. Armadillo used 45 watt bulbs for the hallway, and Judy could only make out that the man was tall. She shrugged and opened the door.

"Oh, hey Judy," said Yax. "I didn't know you were on Cinder."

Judy's eyes watered. There was a naked yak standing in her room. "Uh, hi Yax. Long time no see."

"I didn't recognize you from your picture. It's like I was telling you that one time. I don't have the steel trap memory that Nangi has."

The naked yak had sat down on Judy's bed. She wondered what else he had sat on. She was going to have to change the sheets.

Yax continued, "So I don't really know what you had in mind. Usually I, well, me and the girl, we get high first. But I mean, I know you're a police officer and I totally respect that."

"Um, thanks," Judy said. For a moment she wondered if she could get high from the cloud of THC that enveloped Yax. She shivered. The department had a random drug testing policy.

Yax lay with his back against the wall and his legs stretched out past the end of her bed. "You have a movie you want to throw on? Because you sounded kind anxious. Oh wait, do you want to warm up with some yoga first? I could totally use some yoga."

Yax climbed off the bed and began stretching with his back to Judy. He spread his legs out to just past shoulder width, lowering his crotch right to the level of Judy's head. She was faced with a pair of hairy yak buttocks.

"Yoga is totally the best way to relax," continued Yax. "Like, I didn't think running a naturalist club would ever be stressful, but there are always these people. You know? They have these hang ups about their body, and they're always trying to close down the club, or cause problems for the members. But then I go to one of Nangi's yoga classes and it all just melts away. Or I get high. That works too."

Yax turned around and began to settle into a new pose. That was when Judy was faced with it. There was a thick tuft of hair, like the one on Yax's head. Between the hair was a thing. At first she couldn't even recognize it. Then a word floated into her head. Oh, she thought, so that's what a penis looks like. The thought was clinical and detached, a factual acknowledgement of what confronted her.

As Yax squatted to assume his pose, it swung. That was when Judy remembered what the word "penis" meant and what she had invited Yax here for. She screamed.

"Whoa, hold on!" said Yax, snapping out of his pose. "What's wrong?"

"P-p-p-penis," Judy stammered.

"Huh?" Yax looked down. "Ohhh! Yeah, I didn't think of that. Most of the time, the women I hook up with are my own size, you know? I've never been with a rabbit. I guess I never wondered why."

Judy was breathing hard. She raised her finger to her neck to take her pulse.

"I mean, we can still do yoga if you think that's cool. But I understand if this isn't working for you." Judy swallowed air, then coughed. "Are you okay, Judy? You need a glass of water?" Judy shook her head. "A joint?" Judy shook her head again.

Judy drew in a deep breath and said, "I think we're done."

"Oh, okay. Hey, Nangi's got a yoga class tomorrow morning. Just in case you have time. No pressure. Have a good night."

Judy almost sat down on her bed. Then she remembered she needed to change the sheets.

* * *

After changing the sheets, Judy was back on her bed and back on Cinder. She wondered if she should give up. Then she felt her biology screaming at her again. She didn't have a choice. She sighed. This ram was kind of cute. She swiped right.

Moments later, the phone dinged. "Want someone dangerous?" the ram wrote.

Judy raised an eyebrow. Dangerous? She put her life on the line every day for her job. No guy on the Internet was going to be dangerous, not for her. "You don't know who you're talking to."

Soon, there was a knock on Judy's door. She swung it open. "Who's your momma—what? Oh. Um, hi Wolford."

"Judy? Oh, shit." Officer Wolford was standing in the hallway wearing a ram disguise. "You didn't see me. Okay? This never happened."

Judy furrowed her brow. "Is that your own costume, or are you borrowing it from the department?"

"Look, let's not talk—" Wolford's head shot to the side. He sniffed. "Someone's coming," he said. He pushed his way into Judy's apartment and shut the door.

Bucky and Pronk clomped down the hall. "You weren't even trying, man! We're never going to win pub trivia if you make up stupid answers like that."

"Shut up, dude! You didn't have any ideas."

"And you came up with Mantaray Charles! Come on, he's not a rapper!"

"He's closer to a rapper than what you said. Which was nobody."

The door to their apartment slammed. Judy whispered to Wolford, "The walls are thin. They can hear us."

Wolford nodded and whispered, "We didn't see each other here. Right?"

Judy whispered, "What are you even doing in a ram costume? And whose picture was that in your profile?"

"You don't know? I thought you were, you know..." Wolford's voice trailed off.

Judy shook her head. "I've never done this before."

Wolford, who normally carried himself with an aura of confidence, looked away. "We're a fetish community. Predators who get off on pretending to be prey, and the prey that gets turned on by it. We, the predators, just take profile pictures from wherever. The codeword is 'dangerous'. That's why I asked you if you wanted someone dangerous."

A voice through the wall said, "Yeah, you guys think you're wild, but really you're just nuts."

Wolford hung his head. "I thought you knew what it meant. I mean, you're dating Wilde, so—"

"No no no, we're not dating. We're just friends."

"Really? Everyone thinks—never mind." Wolford shrugged. "Anyway, I'd appreciate it if, you know, you didn't tell anybody."

"Well, you did kind of see me answer the door in a see-through nightgown. Or maybe none of this happened."

"Yeah. It didn't happen." Wolford went to the door. "See you later, Judy."

Judy was left alone in her apartment. She lay on the bed again, thinking. Wolford had said, "You're dating Wilde." Dating! Them! They were just friends. And not those kind of friends. Not at all.

Then Judy's biology caught up with her again. They weren't those kind of friends, but they could be.

* * *

Afterwards, Judy lay in bed next to Nick, resting her head on his arm. The ache was gone. Her biology was in check again.

"I have to admit something to you," said Nick as he stared at the ceiling. "Because you're my friend."

Judy curled up next to Nick and laid her head on his shoulder. "What's that?"

"I knew what was up from the beginning."

"What? Get out of here."

"No, it's true." Nick pointed at his nose. "Biology. I could smell what was going on. And, there's one other thing."

"What's that?"

"It's not mating season for rabbits."

"Mating season is like eight months long! It's always mating season."

"The first day I smelled it on you, I looked up mating season after work. It's not mating season." Nick rolled onto his side, facing Judy. "So I knew it wasn't your biology. It was something else." He slid a finger down Judy's arm. "I was right."

"If you thought that from the beginning, why tell me about Cinder?"

"If I'd just asked, you would've said no." Nick mussed Judy between her ears. "But I knew you weren't a Cinder kind of girl. It's called a hustle, sweetheart."

Judy laughed and snuggled closer to him. "You are one sly fox."


End file.
